Daniel J. James

It’s me. It’s Daniel…

Amazing Friend.

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Nightcrawler from Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends.

I remember as a little person way back in the 1980s watching Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends. To be quite honest, I wasn’t really impressed with Spider-Man back then and didn’t fall in love with the character until the second season of the 90s animated series. But I liked his Amazing friends. Back then, I didn’t know what a mutant or an X-Man was, but I knew Iceman and Firestar were more interesting to me than Spider-Man.

Then came the X-Men episode. It was love at first sight. I didn’t see the X-Men again until The Pride of the X-Men came out on VHS in the early 90s, but that one episode had me hooked!!! And one X-Man in particular always stuck with me.

Nightcrawler.

That one small appearance in that short episode started a lifelong love for the character. I remember as a kid sticking jump ropes down the back of my pants and pretending to have a tail, but I don’t remember if it was because of him, or my young soul’s anticipation of a character like him.

Fast forward.

Nightcrawler has been an inspiration to me in my life, in my art, and now, in my first cosplay.

It seems fitting that the character that brought out so much joy and imagination in me as a kid would do the same for me as an adult.

As I’m piecing together my parts and outfit to bring the character to life for Hero Gala, I can’t help but feel excited, anxious,  and extremely validated.

Nightcrawler has indeed, been an Amazing lifelong friend.

Road to Hero Gala: Tally Marks.

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Life was relatively easy up to my 29th year on this planet. That’s when my dad got really sick. After having a stroke and having his lungs worked out from cancer, he needed someone to come take care of him. So, in August of my 29th year of life, that’s what I did. In September, I had my 30th birthday. My dad told me if it had been anything but his wind, he’d be able to fight, but days after my 30th birthday, be passed. Every year after that was a tally mark of how many years it had been since he moved on. Each September came with dred and anxiety.  That is, until my 40th birthday I had thought turning 40 would be hard, but the opposite is true. Turning felt like getting a new start. 41 didn’t come with the same anxiety I had had in my 30s. But 42 comes with something I haven’t had in years. Excitement. Having this party, dressing up, the idea of seeing friends and family and reuniting with people I haven’t seen in years brings me a joy that I have never felt with an upcoming birthday. This journey to the Hero Gala has given me hope, and is getting me through some tough days. I still miss my dad, and I will still at any random time cry like a baby over his passing, though my missing him will no longer be a dark cloud over my Septembers.  No more marking pain. Now we mark the days until joy!

The Road to the Gala

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So… It’s getting real now.

I put my deposit down on the venue for the party, which puts me in no turning back territory.

The space was the first I had in mind, it fit my vision, and turned out to be pretty much what I was looking for.

I’ve worked in banquet and catering, so I’ve been a part of event planning and set up, but I’ve never done anything like this for myself.

It’s a little scary, and exciting, and I feel like this is bringing out a part of me that I’ve been needing.

A me that just says, fuck it! Let’s just do it!

I’m giving myself permission to do the things I’ve always wanted to do, and this one party is a big step in doing that.

So, here we go… The countdown is real! 80 days!

Creation

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I suppose where I am right now is expressing what it feels like to create things. This one was very much a trust the process thing, but not in the way it usually is. The artwork started out strong, and there was never a point where I felt it wouldn’t turn out good. The process was more of an internal thing for me. Understanding this thing I was creating. Understanding that it wasn’t about death, pain, or sadness, but about art and creation taking root and springing forth as a sublime thing. Sometimes I work to create what is in my head, but this time, I was creating a thing, and the work was to understand it.

-Daniel J. James-

Creative Burst!

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For a while now I’ve been on this journey to bring authenticity into my art, but admittedly, even I wasn’t 100% sure what that meant. I just knew that I was on on a journey to find parts of myself that were missing. I’ve been looking for passion, and joy, and truth that I’d been missing it.

I’d been trying to draw out something within myself and failing at it. But I know not that even failing is good and part of the journey. Because in failing, I’ve still been trying, and working, and building.

In the absence of joy, I’ve been practicing skill. In my want for passion, I’ve been acquiring technique. In my search to truth, I found grace.

This journey is of course a lifelong one, and every road is different. Falling back on the familiar road can help to keep moving, but trotting a different road brings with it new knowledge.

The key to this journey has been to keep moving. Even when lost. Even when confused. Even when tired. Sometimes the cycle was rest, cry, and throw things, but at some point come back to it.

I think in this new artwork, I’ve truly found a lot of what I’ve been looking, and the funny thing is, it’s made up of a work I did while on the journey to get to this piece.

It’s simple.

But it speaks loudly with my authentic voice.

-Daniel J. James-

Art by Daniel J. James

Hope lost…

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So… I drew this a little time ago. The last couple years I’ve been content. I’ve been in a okay place mentally and generally happy. But what I hadn’t been is hopeful. Being hopeful was something that was defining for me for most of my life. But life be lifeing, and hope became painful. It’s only recently that I’ve began to feel hope in a way that feels encouraging again. In that, I drew this to process what losing hope felt like for me​. I’m regaining parts of myself I felt were pulled away, and hope is starting to feel normal again.

41

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Sooo… it’s my Birthday.

Usually my birthday comes with some kind of emotion or anxiety, or feelings of some sort.

But not this year.

This year I feel hopeful.

This year I feel a little more steady.

And honestly, this year I have a few less fucks to give (which is a good thing).

I feel more ready to lose.

I feel more comfortable with a win.

I feel like like I want that authenticity more, and I’m more clear on what that means for me.

So… Happy Birthday to Me!

Excited to see what another year brings.

Let it go…

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Dear Black Women. Dear Black People. Dear World.

It’s okay to let it go.

The pain and the trauma and the hurt that someone else gave to you, it’s alright to release it and lay it down.

I’ve been seeing this a lot as of late. The Universe is not only giving permission, but it is in need of people, especially Black Women, to let go of the pain they’ve been holding on to like a dear treasure.

This is not a call to forget, and it’s damn sure not a call to forgive, but it is a call to freedom.

That cage that someone, or something, or some happening put you in, that is not your home.

Do what you have to do to heal, for your own sake.

Not because someone needs you to be better, or because someone else needs you to be your best you.

Heal because you deserve to be your best you, for YOU.

Heal because you deserve all the light, and love, and joy that this world has to offer, and you deserve to grab on to all the goodness with both hands, but you have to empty it of that thing you’re holding on to, to fully grasp the goodness.

It’s not your fault, but it is your responsibility to get help.

Talk about it.

Stop protecting the ones who gave you hurt.

Go to therapy.

Pray.

Meditate.

Drink water.

Eat good food.

Take your medication.

Tell your story.

Be free.

small victories.

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I struggle sometimes to find faith in myself. Or maybe I should say that I’m struggling. Hitting those moments when you feel like you’ve given something all you’ve got and it’s not enough can be even more draining. I’m praying for a few small victories to help me through, cause man, I need a win bad…

-Daniel J. James-

My first…

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I used to really struggle with sketching on digital. So what I used to do was I would do my drawings on paper, scan them, and then add digital color. This little guy here was the first sketch and color I did years ago that is completely digital, and he opened a door for me that allowed me expand on my skill set. The past few months I haven’t been working so much in digital, but with the stories that I have upcoming, I think it would be wise of me to step back into that mode…

-Daniel J. James-