Starting over again… Again

Here I am, once again scrapping the ideas and efforts I put into making ASH 9/17 and the Pavilion Stories something I felt people would like. Something I thought would be eye catching and draw in a lot of people.

Hours and years gone.

It’s a little embarrassing to open myself up in such a way to share these things I’ve created publicly, only to have to pull back and say, oops, I’m going the wrong way.

I spent a lot of time and energy trying to redirect myself while on the wrong course and in the end, I just had to jump off and start back at the beginning.

The thing is though, allowing myself to think out loud and figure things out in real time has put me in a good staring position and also has brought to to the point were I really and truly want more for myself than to just make something I think people will like.

I want joy.

I want contentment.

I want authenticity.

I want to be happy with what I’m creating, and I want the right people to come on the ride with me.

While I still feel I’m in a bit of a compromised position, I understand it’s one I’ve come to naturally.

Most of my stories first came to me before I was a preteen, and now I’m working to reconcile these stories that are screaming for life with my own 40 years of living.

I’m also now coming to a place where I have to accept my own limits. I want to tell my stories in the best possible way that I can, though I have to accept that there are just some things that time and ability just will not allow.

One of the biggest mistakes I made, was I tried to make ASH 9/17 out to be some professional business thing, and really, it’s just me. And if it is to survive and thrive, then it has to be by me being authentic and true to me, who I am, and what it is I truly want and am able to do.

As I am writing this, I’m coming to a point where for the first time in a long time, I’m looking forward to creating again. I’m looking forward to sharing again. I’m hoping again.

Blessed be… I’m hoping again…

-Daniel J. James-